When life throw us stones, do we reach from them once they have landed on the ground only to throw them back? Do we stare at them while we ache after they’ve hit us? Do we just stand there and take it with out ever fighting back? Or do we take the stone and destroy them in our bare hands because we are stronger than we ever thought possible?
When this year started, I had hopes that it was going to be the best year yet. As long as I was with my family and true friends, there was nothing that could break me. Unfortunately, life laughed at that thought and threw me curve balls as hard as stones. Instead of over coming the pain and betrayal, I gave in to it. I was completely lost. I made decisions that weren’t right, and I crumbled at all that was wrong.
Without my ability to think clearly, I turned to a vice that took the ache away. It made me believe it was the good guy. Alcohol. I never wanted to turn to something so bad to feel better, but I did. Alcohol quickly turned from a comfort to an addiction. I didn’t drink too much to the point of black out every night, but I did turn to it more than I turned to anything else. The end result? 50 lbs and a gut. My thighs became roommates and my arm fluff waved back at you. My ankles were cankles and my belly looked as if I was 5 months pregnant.
So, I decided over and over again that I was going to work out every day, eat right and cut back on the cocktails. I bought all the healthy, no flavor because its pretty much a cardboard box diet food, bought work out DVD’s so I can work out my jiggles in the comfort of my own home and I even invested in work out clothes that, to be honest, only showed off my dimpled thighs and bulging belly more than my normal clothes.
I was certain that the new and improved me was right around the corner. That I was going to have the body I always wanted. Yea that drive only lasted about a week and then I was right back to my lazy ways. I would feel so ugly and fat, but not do one thing to fix it. I knew I wanted to be healthy and fit, but I just figured I was destined to be fat and ugly forever. I would always say to myself, “I’m this way now so I guess this is the new me.” When did follow through become a question and falling out because a constant reality?
Right when I thought I was set on the “swimming in the pity pool” crap, I woke up. I looked at my kids and I knew that my time of this kind of abuse on my body was over. I love them more than anyone and anything. Nothing compares to the love I have for them and nothing ever will. Not even alcohol. So, I made the decision to move away from my demons and embrace what has been waiting for me. A healthy body.
I didn’t want to look in the mirror and see the “new me”. I wanted to look in the mirror and see an improved me. A woman who fought for her health. A woman who fought for her life back. I still wanted to see me. I just wanted to see a healthy me.
I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I am working out at least twice every day, I am eating healthy and I am not drinking near as much. If I do have a drink, its for an event and I limit how much I drink and what I drink.
I’m so tired of people saying that if you look like the girl on the cover of the latest magazine, then you have succeeded. No you didn’t actually. We all didn’t succeed. We all just followed what society told us to follow. That’s not healthy. What’s healthy is just that. Being healthy. Eating better, drinking more water, less crap and working out. The day will come when you’ll look at yourself in the mirror and smile. Not because you are thinner, but because you are healthier. You are still YOU, just healthier. Having less dimples would be nice and a flat tummy would be amazing, yes. All that is true, but turning yourself into a fictional model isn’t right. It’s scary thinking that you can’t do it. Just know you’re stronger than you think.
Embrace your true self and enjoy the journey of the real you that is accomplishing health and it’s ability to walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath. Don’t ever think that you aren’t good enough or didn’t achieve true happiness because you don’t look the models on those magazines. Instead smile, knowing that the new healthy and strong you is more beautiful because you’re still you.
Let’s look in the mirror and smile back at the beauty smiling at us.