Well, hello there. I know that it seems like my blogs are getting less and less lately and, well, that’s because they are. Usually, I have a ton of blogs on my desktop waiting to either be posted or edited, but not this time. I have received some comments from readers saying that I need to stay consistent with my writing and trust me, I know this. However, I have chosen to take a step back a few months ago to focus on me and my health.

I had a health scare that, in all honesty, took all my concentration. Until I found out the results of my tests that I had taken and scans that I had completed, I chose to come home from work and completely detach from anything and anyone outside of my home’s four walls. I took my phone and watch directly upstairs and kept them there. I made sure that I was completely invested solely in my kids and husband. I have never doubted or questioned what I have at home but let me tell you something. When you hear from your doctor that something isn’t right and she lists off many factors of what it could possibly be, you begin to humble yourself and involve yourself in what truly matters more than you ever did before. 

After what seems like forever, I have recently received my results and I’m okay! I just have to make some serious health changes which I will do, not only for me, but for my family. Now that I know the next steps moving forward, I have dived right back on in to writing.

It’s okay to disconnect for a bit. Guilt shouldn’t be a factor when you are working on your health, whether it be mental, physical or emotional. Life is too short, tomorrow isn’t promised and life is too precious to take for granted. For the past few years, I have told myself that I need to FINALLY follow my heart and chase my dreams, but my follow through was, well, less than ideal. It sucked, if I’m going to be frank. I got so caught up in feeling like I was not being good enough. People could care less about what I have to say, my little videos on Instagram may seem lame and there are much cooler and entertaining people out there. So, why would anyone take the time to read my blogs or watch my videos? What makes me so dang special? What makes me so dang worth it?

Well, let me tell you. After years of the constant “Joei, stop posting and focus on everything else around you” mindset, I honestly found myself in a dark spot. Like I took a shovel, dug myself a dark, little hole, popped up a tent and called it home while I took daily swims in my Joei made pitty pool. I couldn’t figure out why I was so depressed. I really couldn’t.

Not too long ago, I went onto joeiandsuch and revamped it, thinking that it would make me feel better. But it didn’t. So, while on joeiandsuch, I read some of my recent blogs and one stuck out. It’s called Halfhearted. It talks about how I was doing things halfhearted instead of with my whole heart and my writing was one of those things. I realized that my depression was coming from my lack of writing and my lack of giving my all.

I can’t keep doing the same cycle over and over again expecting different results. I love to write. I need to write. I not only need to follow through with it, but I will follow through with it. Why hide and quit what I love because of the thought that everyone won’t like me and what I have to say? Well, that’s inevitable. And that’s okay. At times, I don’t even like myself. I get disappointed in myself. I know what I want to do. I know what road I want to take. So, why am I still sitting at the bus stop waiting for my ride? Waiting for my ride to magically show up and do all the hard work for me. Instead of getting in the driver’s seat and taking myself down that road, I was waiting. Waiting and wondering why my dreams haven’t come true after each time that I snapped my fingers.

This hurtle isn’t my last chapter. It’s just a chapter. A moment in my life when life seems to be way too difficult and dark. I’m still the writer of my life. I’m still the one putting the period at the end of each chapter. I’m still the one turning the page and started something new. And that’s what you need to remember. You are still the writer. You are still the one in control of putting that period at the end of your current chapter and starting something new on the next page. Even if this current chapter has only just begun or has reached the middle mark, you are still the writer, and this is just a chapter. It’s not the end of your story.

So many times we forget that the second hand on that clock still continues to tick tock along even if we feel like time is standing still. It’s not. Neither is your life. It’s continuing to grow. This time in your life will pass. The sun will continue to set and the rise the next morning. The clock will continue to tick tock along. The next morning will be the start of a new day. All we can do is rise with the sun and take deeps breaths. Take the step forward and continue to fight. Get in that driver’s seat, roll down the windows and drive down that road. That’s what I am doing and will continue to do.

We’re not stuck. We’re just finding our way. Finding ourselves again. And eventually, whether it’s today, tomorrow or next year, we’ll be on the road we’ve dreamt of. In the driver’s seat where we belong.