Hey guys! I’m back! First, let me explain the reason for my lack of blogs. As a lot of you know, I have been in a spot in my life where my sobriety has been a constant struggle and constantly tested. My ability to remain sober has been incredibly weak. I am very proud to say that I have not broken my sobriety and I will never break it, but man oh man! When your strength is constantly tested daily, you can’t help, but remember how much and how quickly your addiction helped. I was honestly, every day, thinking about how great it felt when the alcohol would hit my blood and I wanted nothing more than to feel that again.

It was a struggle that I haven’t felt since I first quiet drinking. Don’t get me wrong! I have had many moments of wanting to drink and I have even posted a blog about wanting to break my sobriety, but nothing has compared to how hard it has been for me lately. I made the decision to remove myself from what was being my sobriety bully and consume myself with what made me become sober in the first place.

I sat down a couple days ago and wrote out the next steps to healing and getting back on the writing bandwagon. I knew I was mentally healthier and stronger from where I was. Now it was time to become physically and emotionally stronger. With that comes writing again and taking better care of myself. Doing the things and being with the people that truly make me happy and make me want to be a better version of myself.

Even though I have been sober for 2 ½ years, I am not a pro at it. Not even close. I still crumble. I still allow my thoughts to consume me and destroy my ability to heal. It all becomes too loud sometimes. It doesn’t get easier as the days go by. It just simply doesn’t. There are months where I am great and then something or someone can trigger me and next thing I know, I have rewound 2 ½ years to the day that I quit drinking, and the taste of the last drink is still lingering on my tongue. I’ve learned that this sobriety journey is a day-to-day struggle and yet a day to day accomplishment at the same time.

I really looked at sobriety as a smiling event as opposed to the reality which it was and still is. A day-to-day growth. A day-to-day learning experience. A day-to-day reality check. A day-to-day reminder that I’m still a work in progress. And that’s okay! So, with all that said, my time to truly become the stronger and healthier me starts now. That includes writing more! Joei and Such has always been my baby and it needs a lot more attention from me! I feel so guilty for neglecting it. I have tried to focus on my mental health, and I can’t wait to achieve my dreams that I know will help my mental health.

The main reason why I started Joei and Such was to help people with anything that they are going through. Whether it is with sobriety, depression, anxiety, relationships, work, family and everything else in between. I never want anyone to ever feel alone. I want to always be the shoulder for you to cry on, the ears to listen to you and the help you need to see the hope in today and every day.

Instead of me looking at this blog as a failure because it’s posted so late in the year, I’m going to look at it as a release. I’m not looking at my recent struggle as a weakness. I’m looking at it as a bridge that I built with my own two hands that has led me here. I’m not looking at my recent feelings of being broken as a nightmare. I’m looking at it as me putting myself back together like a beautiful puzzle because I have the strength to do so. I’m not looking at my mom-bod as a huge thing of insecurities. I’m looking at it as a body that gave birth to two kiddos that every day, give me reasons to keep going.

It’s times like this when it is so easy to deflect on the situation, instead of reflect on the progress that has been made. If you are going through something that seems just way too hard to handle, please know that you are not weak when your addiction pops back into your head. For a long time, it was that one thing that helped. Instead, realize how strong you truly are because here you are. Going through a hard time in your life and even though that addiction is back in your head, it is not in your hands. Remember what you have overcome. Remember that not only did you fight addiction and win, but you are still winning. You are still standing and shining through this dark time. Allow your strength to be your light and get you through. Allow who you truly are to take those steps forward and don’t allow the addiction to push you back. You overcame something that not everyone can say they have done. Remember that. Remember the beast that you are.

When addiction returns in your head, it is not because it is meant to be back in your life. It is because for way too long, it was your hope. It’s not anymore. Remind it and remind yourself that. Tell yourself that dark times will come and just like the sunrise every morning, the dark will fade and the beauty of the light will take over. Just like you. The dark times will return, but the beauty that is you and your light will always take over. 

This new year is a year of finding me. Not the new me. The real me. And if this year is your year of finding the real you, then let’s go on this adventure together. Through the struggles, the moments of feeling numb and the amazing times, too. This is the year. For all of us.