Let’s face it…we try WAY too hard to have that perfect face, body and personality. We buy all the “perfect” products and even change our personalities to fit in with the new crowd. All for what? Seriously, for what? Let’s chat about this because I have fallen down that road too many times, just like many of you.
Every day on every news stand out there, on every beauty website, your first date and even simply by walking down the street, “perfection” is required. There are so many reasons out there for all of us to question not only how we look, but who we are.
I wrote a blog a good minute ago about accepting who you are and boy oh boy do I try to stick to that. This one is a bit different because this time, I’m a bit different. I have lost 50 pounds of both physical and emotional weight. Toss in a bit mental health weight in the mix and I’m becoming a whole new gal…which is a daily struggle.
So, I decided to get out of my comfort zone and get professional pictures taken for Joei and Such. My best friend and soul sister, Chrissy Williams came over to take pictures of me to revamp my website. And although it was my sister from another mister taking the pictures, I was still beyond nervous. I kept thinking that all people are going to see in these pictures are my 1,000,001 flaws. As she started taking pictures, that one of the 1,000,001 flaws was the one making me the most anxious. And that one flaw is self-doubt.
The doubting I was doing to myself before I was even allowing myself to see any kind of beauty was beyond depressing. I automatically imprinted “Judged” on my forehead. Now with “Judged” written all over my forehead thanks to yours truly, my vision of the pictures was tainted before I even took a gander at them. My heart stopped every time I heard the camera take the picture. With every flash, I had this vision of what the picture looked like, and I already hated it.
Chrissy was born to be a photographer. Her vision is incredible. She has these beautiful and amazing ideas and I’m over here drowning in my nerves and behind all the nerves was anger. “Good job, Joei! You’re doubting this before it even began.” Followed by, “Don’t smile, oh wait…yes smile because when you aren’t smiling, you have the biggest resting b*tch face. But if you smile, then you look fat so don’t smile!” So damn toxic!
So, answer me this…why does self-doubt have so much power? You can’t say that it doesn’t make you miserable because there is no way that it makes you feel worthy. It definitely doesn’t make me feel worthy. So why is it a constant part of our daily life? No matter what is in front of us or the fight inside of us, self-doubt is too strong. Stronger than we ever want it to be. The only way you can ever overcome the pain, anxiety and depression that self-doubt gives us is saying the simple statement that is life changing. I’m not perfect and I’m perfectly happy that way!
Guess what? It is okay! Sure, there are days when I look in the mirror and I’m like…oh geez, bad hair day, huh Joei?! And even though I am 50 pounds lighter, shouldn’t these jeans look a heck of a lot better on me?! I have done this part of my job a million times so why did I just mess it all up?! Damn, my husband looks so hot, and I can’t even remember if I brushed my teeth this morning. That mom over there looks like she has her shit all figured out and then there is me wearing the same tank top for the 4th day in a row. It goes on and on. And it’s okay!
At the end of the day, I am me and you are you. No one, no matter how hard they try, can ever take that away from us. My cellulite, my thick legs, my not so petite nose and my never-ending height are all amazing. I used to look at my body and think, this is gross! Turn all the lights off before my husband of over a decade walks in the room. Not anymore! I embrace it all! And taking these pictures with Chrissy reminded me of how wonderfully flawed and beautiful I am. Those flaws are my beauty marks just like your flaws are yours.
Yea, I have cellulite because I’m not 12 years old anymore! I have a nose that people would probably pay to shrink if it was their nose, but not me. I am taller than the average gal, but I love my height. I have freckles that I used to get bullied for, but they are my favorite feature. I don’t have model legs and I never will no matter how much I work out, but I love them. I accept me. My self-doubt isn’t stronger than my self-acceptance anymore. I accept me. I don’t tolerate me. I accept me because I am worth it. I always have been, and I always will be.
I am goofy, weird, stubborn, strong, funny, smart and a big question mark sometimes and I will never change any of that. Not for any part society and not for anyone. If you don’t like me, I honestly DO NOT CARE. Because I love me. Every square inch of me. I may feel unpretty some days, a b*tch some days, not very smart some days and a bit weak some days because THAT IS LIFE!
Listen guys, you will never be able to see your beauty when you keep allowing your self-doubt to take over. Stop trying to be perfect! Take that word out of your vocabulary when you describe how you wish you were. Stop tolerating how you look and who you are. Accept it with your arms wide open. There will be hard days and moments when you just aren’t okay. That is normal, not a sign of weakness or a sign that you aren’t good enough or worthy. You are good enough. You are worthy. You are you! Nothing is greater than that and no one can take that away from you. So, the next time you look at yourself in the mirror, smile. Allow that smile to remind you that you are wonderful. If it’s a hard day, remember that you are human and simply tell yourself, “I got this!”
No matter what you are told, always remember this…there is no greater power than the power of believing in yourself.