What the Crap?!

-Time to Deal and Heal-

Okay…let’s be honest! Despite how much I love myself some lemonade, that whole saying, “When life gives your lemons, make lemonade” is crap sometimes. Why you ask? I’ll tell you. Its because sometimes in life, throwing the lemons sounds a heck of a lot better than making lemonade and that’s okay! There is nothing in writing saying that life is so perfect that making delicious lemonade will fix everything.

Now, I know that the saying is telling you that when the going gets tough, make the best out of it which I absolutely love, but there are times when making the best of it right then and there can make you feel worse. We all need that time in between the lemons and making the lemonade. The time is called, “WHAT THE CRAP?” It is the time when you ask yourself that very question because coming to terms with it or better understanding it is essential. It’s that moment between the question and the answer, the bad and the good, and the problem and the solution.

I have been making lemonade out of the crappiest lemons my entire life. And when the lemons were full of extra crap, I masked the lemonade with so much sugar just to make the situation seem sweeter than it really was. To me, that can be self-sabotage and so damn unhealthy. Masking reality doesn’t fix anything. It makes it worse. Don’t do that to yourself.

Ever since I became sober, I have asked myself, “What the crap?” many times because the alcohol was the sugar to my lemonade. It masked so much of my reality that I never was in the “What the Crap” area. Now that I am in this wonderful area at times, I am asking myself that question more frequently.

For example, I was not only my worst bully, but I allowed others to add to the bully fire. I pretty much handing them the match. I have been so lost guys, that my ability to understand what I am doing or even trying to understand has been so hard. I am making mistakes that I never make, and I am forgetting to most common things that I am getting so mad at myself and worried. What’s worse is that I am allowing others to add to making me feel worse. What the crap is that?!

So, now that I am thirsty for some lemonade, I’m going to ask myself once again, “What the crap?” Let’s dive in as to why I am messing up and forgetting even the most common things. Why? And the answer is simple, yet incredibly sad. Because I let it happen. How sad is that? But it’s true guys. I let it happen. I let the forgetfulness, the mistakes, the bullies, everything…I allowed it all happen. To be honest with you and myself, I’m not mad that I allowed it to happen. Allowing it to happen, allowed me to come down to earth and see things for what they really are. I got to see people’s true colors and life’s true paths.

Coming off years and years of being blinded by alcohol only adds to the confusion of what my life is really like. I got asked recently, “You have been sober since October of 2021. So, why are you still struggling?” “What the crap?!” was going to be my answer, but I had to step back and really think about it. Just because I have been sober since October of 2021, doesn’t mean that I am been completely fixed and healed since October. Life has continued to happen, bumps in the road have been continued to be created and villains have continued to come into life. The only difference is that I am having to deal and heal from these situations sober. Sober. Not masked or blinded by what once was my best friend.

Every ounce of life that I have had to deal with being sober has been a new chance for me to heal. And I don’t know what the hell I am doing. I’m just being honest. So, if I am making mistakes, forgetting the common things and breaking more than usual right now, its because right now, I am experiencing a new part of my life with a new mind. It’s not because I am not capable. It’s because I AM capable. Once I heal from this moment, I will have to deal with another. That is life.

Not everyone can relate to ones who are sober. They can’t relate to how bad things were before becoming sober and they can’t relate to the healing once becoming sober. They will look at you as your struggles are excuses and they will look at you as you are weak. But guess what?! They are NOT excuses and you are NOT weak. You are becoming the best version of yourself and not everyone can say that.

So, while you are in the transition period of “What the crap?”, please remember that question is a valid question. It is a valid struggle. What the crap was that? What the crap was today? What the crap were those words coming out of that person’s mouth? What the crap was that report I just turned in? What the crap was that meeting I just led? What the crap was that attitude for? What the crap was that doubting me for? What the crap was that bullying me for? What that crap is your reasoning for trying to break me? WHAT THE CRAP?!

There will always be those questions, there will always be those kinds of struggles in your life and there will always be the doubters, but there will always be the one and only you! Don’t give up when you are handed crappy lemons and forced to be perfect and make the best lemonade. Don’t give up when you have asked, “What the crap?” 18 times in one day with no answer. Don’t give up when you are being looked at as “you were once a drunk” instead of “you are so damn strong and capable.” Don’t give up when you messed up at work, forget your child’s lunch money or your anniversary. Don’t give up! Life isn’t about making lemonade with the crappy lemons. Life if about trusting and loving yourself enough to get through the “what the crap” and see the solution. Whether is takes a second, an hour or even a week to get the answer. To even have enough respect for yourself to ask, “what the crap?” speaks volumes. Alright guys, I’m going to have some lemonade now…well buy some because we’re out. What the crap is that about?!

6 responses to “What the Crap?!

  1. Another great blog. You are definitely growing in your work

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! ❤️

      Like

  2. Yes! You’ve touched on toxic positivity! Just cause life gave you lemons does not mean you must make lemonade. Sometimes it’s good to take your time juicing the lemons so you can process what’s happening. Love you lady

    Liked by 1 person

    1. EXACTLY!! Love you more!!!!!!!!

      Like

  3. Wonderful reflections! They say the place for growth is in the silence between the stimulus and the response, which we used to numb and fill with booze, but now we can fill with “What the crap?” observation. I like to think of it as stepping back to see the Big Picture, how things are fitting together, whether the appropriate response right now happens to be lemonade or throwing lemons or even putting them in the fridge to save for cooking fish later.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Elena. That’s exactly right! I love your words regarding my blog. That’s what I was going for!

      Liked by 1 person

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